GRIEVE

There's no time to cry, I have too much to do. I shed a tear then move on, but I don't go anywhere. I just sit with my sadness in my hands, staring at nothing. The nothing grows, but something never does. The something is what I'm missing, although even if I had it I would not feel it. All my sensations have been muted. All that is, except for sadness. It's unbelievable how someone who feels almost nothing can get such an overpowering wave of pain and sorrow. Guilt that things weren't said or more love was shown. But now I do the same thing. I don't show feeling, there isn't any to show. I'm annoyed and angry, disappointed at what I've become, or what I haven't. Everything gets on my nerves. I've reached a point of misery from which there seems no escape. I don't even know what I would do if there were. I can't go back to being happy when there's so much sadness to feel. What will I do to mourn the ones I've lost. I'm not allowed to be content any more. I have to suffer as my penance. Maybe I got too happy at one point. Things were going too well. The balance of the world was off so I had to make a sacrifice. I had to give up everything good. The darkness is my new home.