I don't want to be me anymore, maybe someone else. I'm not sure who and I'm not certain that I care. I could be somebody that I envy, a guy who has everything I've always wanted. All the qualities I'm attracted to. I could be more motivated, more together. Not so scattered. A focused mind versus distracted, calm as opposed to frantic. Not to even mention the physical appearance....
Then again I could be someone in worse shape, one in true suffering, destitute and forlorn. Perhaps that would make me appreciate my own life more. How about a monk who has come to peace with the lack of outside forces. One with the spirit, totally at peace with myself. Enlightenment!
But I am me, and regardless of my magical thinking, I doubt I have the power to change that. I wish I could say that it's ok, but for now it isn't. I have not reached acceptance yet, nor am I at peace. Not to say that I am totally miserable, but I have a long way to go. So in reality I guess I am changing who I am.
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